(Not So) Simply Put

Dear blog visitor,

Normally, people have commitment issues with relationships; I’ve had them with jobs.  None of the issues have been bad enough to make me leave, but the feelings are still sneaky, powerful little buggers.  When I was a month or two in to my swim instructor position, I was having serious doubts about staying at the job: I was sick all the time, I felt under appreciated, and the kids were being rather snotty (in both senses of the word).

Now, in my accounting position, I’m starting to get nervous again.  I’m grateful for this opportunity with such a wonderful company, but the stress has really gotten to me this week.  It’s quarter-end now and it seems like most everyone at the office is running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get things done.  I’m still learning the rhythm of the work day, as well as adjusting to an office environment with a fluctuating level of professionalism.

I’m feeling more comfortable with the day-to-day stuff: posting payments for A/R, coding invoices and doing check runs for A/P… but answering the phone still scares the bajeezus out of me.  We have a 20+ line phone system and I’m terrified I’m gonna screw something up.

I think that’s the big step for me to get over in this job.  I need to stop being scared of failing.  I’m getting better at asking for help (thanks to having taken Greek in college – I wouldn’t have learned much with asking questions), but I still feel stressed when I go to work every day… then completely drained when I get home.  Any suggestions on getting over this kind of fear would be awesome.

The good news?  I keep getting more hours.  I must be doing something right!

My issue with the idea of a long-term position right now has been pretty clear to me for a while.  I’m only 22 and I may have already found the job I’ll keep for the next 10+ years.  Great, right?  YES!  I’m lucky as all hell to have found something that I generally enjoy (especially within the year after college) and can learn a lot from – but what am I giving up?  I now have the financial security to start saving for a pet or trip or house or more school… but will I even have the time for these things?

I feel like I’ve rambled quite thoroughly in this post.  I am, in a word, conflicted.  I know plenty of people who have (or had) full time jobs are reading this — I’d love some advice today.


Jessica M Walker
Accounting Assistant

PS. In other news, I’ve been reading The Hobbit every day on my lunch break so I can finish it before the movie comes out.  If you plan to see the movie in December, I highly recommend this site and reading (or re-reading!) it before then.  Also, it’s been helping me get back into the mindset of writing fantasy.  Tolkien FTW.

The book version that I own and am currently reading.


About jmmack

Full-time swim coach and pool program manager in the Seattle area. Swimmer, writer, cross-stitcher, HP fan, wife, sister, auntie of two nephews, human to a feisty Jack-Russell mix.
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One Response to (Not So) Simply Put

  1. Ah, the “wait a second, why am I so uptight when I go to work every day… is this job really for me?” dilemma. Life and its everyday challenges are rarely so simple and certain as Phillips Brooks suggested when he wrote that one ought to have “forever beating at the doors of his being, some great desire to know something larger, which he knows he was meant and made to do”. Rather, we face our fears and live our joys each day through the prism of our own values. And if we’re smart — and lucky — we make the right call about what happens tomorrow. Don’t expect that to ever change. It hasn’t for me, and I’m, well, a little older than you.

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